Subject Line: Weekly Nugget: What Really Matters & Free Live Workshop

Last week, I shared some notes on the importance of killing being nice and quitting being nasty, which destroys all potential and possibility. 

I introduced the two moves that put you in a powerful position in any relationship: being direct and being kind. 

My email really resonated with a large number of people as I received many responses from friends telling me that it was exactly what they needed to hear. 

My friend, Peter Yaholkovsky, who has written an important book (Listening for Candor), asked me to say more about ‘for the sake of what’ we must kill being nice and quit being nasty and for what purpose we must be direct and be kind. 

I agree, it is really important that we ask ourselves, WHAT REALLY MATTERS in a relationship where we are aiming for some change and transformation? 

For the sake of what, might we risk our identity and comfort and perturb things?  

When we tune into what is at stake in a given situation, it gives us a place to stand and a space to move. 

If we don’t pay attention to ‘what matters,’ we risk becoming too concerned about style, personality, and psychological dimensions, which seem fixed and about which one can do nothing much. How often have you heard or said, “Well, I am just this kind of person who is nice or brash…” 

Let us consider an example. Your colleague may be doing something that doesn’t sit well with you or meets your company's standards. But you want to keep the relationship pleasant and be well-liked by your colleague. So, you may default to being nice. When you disagree with something, but act nice as a strategy, you might end up with resentment. The relationship may appear pleasant, but in reality, it decays. Snapping back or acting with angry outbursts produces similar effects. Others may default to being nice and stay silent in the face of your nasty outbursts, but resentment grows. Trust is the first casualty in this silent war. Once trust is damaged, all hell breaks loose, people quit or get fired, and the future diminishes. 

In situations like this, it’s important to remember that, what really matters is the future of your business and the future of your relationship with each other. 

So for the sake of a better future together, for the sake of your well-being, and the well-being of others, for the sake of the shared power of your business, your family, and your community, you may consider ‘kill being nice & quit being nasty,’ and instead, be kind and be direct. 

Ok, thank you for reading this. As I mentioned last week, I am hosting a free 30-minute live workshop on this very same topic this Wednesday. To join simply click this link. I will be notified and I will send you the invite. https://conceivian.com/lightning-lesson

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