Weekly Nugget: Is Someone Upset With You? Here Is What To Do…
Hi friend,
What should you do when someone you care about is upset with you—whether it's your co-worker, friend, partner, parent, or child? When their interpretation is that they’ve been hurt by you, how do you make things right?
Well, firstly, don’t:
Fall to making excuses.
Go on justifying your actions.
Hint that they misunderstood or overreacted.
These responses deepen the hurt and create rigidity in relationships. If you genuinely cherish the relationship, your actions should reflect that respect.
Here is how to heal the hurt in four steps:
Listen Deeply: Start by asking, “How have I hurt you?” and really listen without interjecting. Acknowledge their experience and ask, “Is there anything more?” without offering your perspective or emotions. It’s not about you right now—it’s about honoring their pain.
Take Full Responsibility: Own what happened without excuses. “Yes, I said that I acted in a way that hurt you. I see that now.” Don’t dilute this ownership with explanations about your stress, mood, or intentions or blame their contribution. True responsibility requires a clear and straightforward acknowledgment of your contribution.
Apologize Sincerely: Offer a heartfelt apology quickly and ask for forgiveness. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” Show your willingness to change and invite them to help you grow. Don’t act too guilty, either. Just offer an apology with dignity and move on. They may need to sit with it.
Bring the Future: Now, they may be curious about why things happened as they did, and this is your chance to explain—but only after you’ve truly listened, acknowledged, and apologized. This opens the door to deeper trust and dialogue. More importantly, take a moment to remind them of the future you both care about—whether that’s a shared mission, your families, or the customers you serve. Invite them to help bring that future together with you. This way, the emphasis is on mutual purpose and moving forward together. It keeps the focus on what really matters, making the invitation to collaborate feel natural and essential.
Don’t get too caught up in looking good or feeling good immediately. If, to repair the relationship, you need to do something absurd to win back your friend's heart, do it.
Let me share a story of the 17th-century Sufi mystic Baba Bulleh Shah, a man respected by many. Once, when his close friend grew upset with him, Baba Bulleh Shah took a broom and danced outside his friend’s home. He performed this “silly” gesture to show that even a great saint was willing to set aside ego and pride for a loved one’s forgiveness. This story reminds us that humility—doing what may seem ridiculous to repair hurt—is the path to real, enduring connections.
Remember, just like us, our relationships are rarely perfect. We make mistakes. Extend grace and forgiveness to yourself and others.
With care,
Saqib