Weekly Nugget: Fight or Flight — Should I stay, Should I go?

Hi friend, 

Should I stay or should I go? 

This is the question we all face in decisive moments—whether it’s changing jobs, pivoting in a startup, moving to a new town, or leaving a partner.

But the choice to stay or leave isn’t a simple one. So when is it ok to leave? 

You only leave when you believe that staying will cause great damage to your life and your well-being. When you’ve engaged in conversations in good faith, have tried to resolve things, and found that your potential is being squashed and your self-expression blocked—that is the time to consider leaving. 

Maybe you’re in a relationship where every conversation leads nowhere, where you feel blocked, unheard, and unable to grow. Or maybe you live in a small town with dreams of a startup, and moving to a bigger city would unlock new doors. In these cases, choosing to leave isn’t just about running away—it’s about moving to a space where you can expand and find new possibilities.

But if you leave out of pure emotional reaction—feeling trapped, resentful, and angry, and act on these feelings without investigation, conversations, and considering what really matters— you may find yourself running into the same problems you thought you were escaping. As Rumi says, "There are beasts in every cave."

In the case of dissatisfaction with a situation, it would behoove you to declare the breakdown and investigate possible solutions with your partners, allies, mentors, and advisors before leaving.

When you’ve done everything—had the conversations and looked carefully at the role you have played in the breakdown, and you still find yourself trapped, unable to grow—that’s when leaving might open up new possibilities.

If you’re in a situation where your partner refuses to engage, where your boss won’t listen, where your health and values are at risk, ask yourself: For the sake of what am I staying? What really matters here?

But don’t mistake discomfort or challenges as a reason to flee; challenges will follow you wherever you go.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter whether you stay or go. What matters is who you will be when confronted with difficult situations. Will you be caring and committed, or will you show up as a victim and resentful? Your way of being will determine your satisfaction with your future. 

If you are up against such a choice, I will be willing to help you think through it and assist you in seeing your and others' way of being in the matter so that you don’t make the same mistakes I once made (which cost me dearly.)

Let me know, and I’d be delighted to talk.

Warmly,
Saqib