Dear friend,
Have you ever felt nervous or ungrounded before a meeting, sure you had not prepared enough, or done enough research, unsure how the other person would react? I certainly have.
Over the years I have created three questions that I use, and that I ask my clients and my own team to remind me of, to get grounded before any important conversation. They are simple, and they have been a quiet source of power. Let me share them.
The first is: what am I standing for in this conversation, and what really matters here? This one surfaces the hidden agendas of my little voices, looking good, feeling good, needing to get my way, and once I can see them I can hold them in service of something bigger, like building a relationship of trust and respect toward shared goals.
The second is: what mood am I predisposed to bring that might block me? This one teaches you about the bad moods you fall into automatically. Once you can see a mood you have been carrying invisibly, you gain a new power to be responsible for it, and, over time, to shift it.
The third is: what new mood would I like to invite that would help? This is where you take responsibility for the future you want to create, through your mood. We are mostly double-blind to the way our background moods open or close what is possible in an important conversation. The moment you ask what mood you want to bring, an anticipation begins, and with it an opening. Good moods to invite are listening, seriousness, joy, enthusiasm, passion, and care for shared concerns.
Together these questions move me from walking into meetings with a fixed, often defensive posture, to entering them as openings for growth and connection. Try them the next time you feel nervous before a meeting, and tell me how it goes.
With care,Saqib